June
Grass grows, its what it does
June is 62 years old. She married at the age of 26. Wearing the "kua" that I brought to the centre ignited many memories. She says she felt like she is getting married for the second time. Her husband and her were classmates. They dated for two years before getting married. They didn't have much in the beginning. They chose to marry in a mass wedding and she was picked as one of two hosts on stage where she spoke in the Mandarin language. There were more than 100 couples and the event was covered by the media. Her photograph appeared in the papers. She had a baby girl within two years. Her daughter is now 35 yrs old and married too. June says that in the 30 to 40 years since she got married, she feels very blessed and fulfilled. She is grateful for the concern and care that others have shown her. In PAC, she felt welcomed and well cared for. She doesn't encourage couples to divorce but after her divorce, she feels a sense of freedom in deciding the course of her life. She has been divorced for 20 over years and have accomplished a lot in that time. She continues to pursue her purpose and dreams. The doctor told her that whether she survives would depend on her will. She used to have to wear adult diapers and could only drink liquids, milk, grape juice after her accident. She couldn't even eat rice or porridge. She was in a vegetative state. At that time, her husband hired a helper to take care of her needs. She is grateful for that. But after a year and a half, he called a lawyer to divorce her. She accepted it and told him to take good care of their daughter. At that time, her daughter was angry and told her she has to live on and that she would take care of her after she graduated. In this respect, her daughter has fulfilled her promise. She wonders if her daughter's decision to not have children has something to do with the divorce. Her daughter just wants her to be happy and healthy. The first thing that she touched when she could get out of bed and go outside was grass. When she knelt down to touch the grass, she could not control her tears. She felt that grass is something that everyone stepped on everyday but it has a strong will to grow. It doesn't complain. Everyday people would step, yet everyday it would grow. She made a promise that when she could walk again, she would try to walk on pavements and not grass because she respects it so much. There was a time that she did blame the doctors and felt that they were lying to her. She was a vegetable for two years. From 65kg, her weight dropped to 49 kg within 6 months. Her hair and nails would still grow but her whole body was in pain because of the extensive nerve damage. It was like being pricked by needles. She stayed in this condition for over 700 days and in that time, she didn't sleep. It was especially difficult in the night when everyone else was asleep. She couldn't turn on the light on her own and to pass this time alone waiting from dusk till dawn was excruciating. But she did survive and has adopted a wider more accepting perspective on life. In her lifetime, she has rode in seven wheelchairs and driven six personal mobility devices. She is still driving.
Compassionate people are everywhere
Life goes on and life and death is but in one breath. She is happy because she can breath without assistance. She doesn't cry anymore because it doesn't help. We need a strong will to overcome and survive. She lives in a flat for seniors which is equipped with an emergency system. She has pulled the emergency cord twice in the seven years she has been here in times when it was very serious and she could not get up off the floor. She couldn't tell the time but could hear people knocking at her door. She crawled from the bathroom to the door and collapsed. Everyone was in a state of panic except her. She was calm. They asked her for the keys. She tried her best to crawl up and grabbed the key by the door and threw it to them. When she came to, the people who helped her told her the story of how they were driving past in a car downstairs when they heard the emergency alarm and rushed upstairs. It was already midnight. She was grateful to them for rushing up because at that time, most of her neighbours would already be in bed. She is not afraid of living alone because she feels that the system is in place for her to receive help from the people around her when in need. She feels a lot of seniors are afraid of imposing on others and do not seek help when needed but they need to have faith that help is coming. In a medical emergency, it could all come down to seconds between life and death. There have been a few cases where her neighbours had passed away in their flat without anyone knowing until an odour is detected. She has faith because of her experiences with the medical system and the advice that she has been given by doctors over the years to survive an emergency. She has also found people to be compassionate and helpful in a time of need. When she faints in public, they would know to call an ambulance. She admires medical personnel for their quick actions in a crisis. After every crisis, she would write out what she rememebered of the incident. Doctors have credited her for saving her own life. To be able to relate what happens helps the doctors in investigating the root causes to save her.
A meticulous documentation
There were years when she could not remember. She remembers everything now. Her accident occurred in Taiwan when she suffered a fall. She had not worked for 21 years. She recounts her past employment, outings, travels and interests. She is a born organiser and would organise all the outings with other mothers when her kids were young, school reunions and friends' gatherings.
Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and grass grows by itself.