Ah Moi
When I think of you
Is there any difficulty I can't get through
You are with me in the narrow road of life
Escape the bitter ocean
At 17 or 18 years old, Ah Moi did not think that she was pretty or beautiful but she had many suitors who would fight over her in the kampong. Her mum asked her why that is but she didn't know as she didn't talk to anyone. She wondered how could anyone find a kampong girl beautiful when their clothes would be mended over and over and they didn't put on any powder or make-up. In the kampong, she felt she was too dark from the sun and ugly from helping in the farm. When she thinks back to those times, they are not good memories. She met her husband who was in the army and was training in her area, digging trenches and spending nights there. He saw her but she was very shy. It was love at first sight for him but she was so scared. But this was also when she "escaped the bitter ocean". If she wasn't as lucky, she could have been match made with one of the boys in the kampong. It was her husband who brought her away from that life. At that time, the salary in the army was $30 a month, paid on 1st and 15th. When they were engaged, the salary went up to $90 as an allowance for spouses. Before they were married he had no ranking. After marriage, he received his first stripe. Then the second. After she gave birth to her first born, he was posted to London. He travelled a lot. In a year, he mightn't be home for a day. She wasn't sad because it was for work. When she had her third child, he would still be travelling. He only settled in Singapore after their fourth child. By then, he had rose in rank to an officer and they could raise their four children and her brother's three children with ease. She would give each child an allowance, $30 for girls and $60 for boys. Her brother's son tells her not to be afraid, for what she has done, he will always support her living.
Of mothers and mothers-in-law
She had been busy taking care of her mother till a few years ago. Her mother lived till 98. She was afraid the helper did not have the strength to fulfil the tasks like bathing her so she would come over to help for about 2 years. After her mother passed away, she moved into the flat here. It has been around 5 years. Her mother had no illness, no heart condition, no diabetes. It was just simply old age. She was the eldest daughter and had to help in every aspect back then like looking after her siblings. Her mother was very strict, everyday, there would be beatings and they didn't have enough to eat. The memories of the early days of courtship are etched deeply in her mind. Her husband liked her but she didn't dare to reciprocate because of her strict upbringing. She was beaten everyday. Her husband, his mother and sister's mother-in-law, came to make a formal proposal. Her mother's rule was that they needed to help in the farm with the chickens and pigs for two years before they could marry. In the two years, she continued to be beaten till she was bruised or bleeding. Her future mother-in-law felt she could not go on like that and pushed for the marriage. In Chinese culture, usually the month of June is avoided for weddings because it was too close to the 7th Hungry Ghost month. She married the day before the 7th month. Her future mother-in-law said she has to be strong like her and live a long life. That's how they started. They did not have money, it was in the 5c, 10c, 20c. When they married, they didn't have anything. She says her mother-in-law, a Baba, knows English and is a cultured and outstanding woman. Her husband is like his mother.
An irreparable loss
Her husband passed away at age 66. She cried everyday. He had cancer and was given 6 months to live. The doctor asked her to bring her husband home. She refused. She said the hospital is so big why can't you cure my husband. The doctor told her he could not be cured and left. She refused to leave. When the doctor saw her from afar, he came back and asked again if they wanted to go home. She said they did not. The husband went for treatment the next day. He lived for another 2 years. In that time, his hand would regress and had to be dressed. She would spend two hours everyday dressing the wound, putting newspaper on the ground because of the bleeding. She had to take care of everything. Fortunately, due to his job in the Army, the medical expenses were covered. He was lucid. During SARS, there were no doctors or nursing attending to her husband. She had to wear the full PPE to attend to her husband for 18 days. The doctors advised her to go home because even if her husband survive, she might not. She had already started to cough. She returned home. He passed away a few days later. Till the last, he was lucid and full of gratitude and faith. She cried for five years. Her church sisters told her daughter that she would not be able to recover in just a few years. She lost weight. Her children tried to console her by taking her out. From the beginning, her husband knew that she was not educated and didn't mind it, even while he rose in ranks to become an officer. He enjoyed over 10 years of retirement before passing away.
Pillar of quiet support
Reminiscing her life gives her joy. She managed to escape a bitter fate. Back then, even when they did not have much she would give her mother $5 a month. Her husband did not know. She also gave allowances to her brother's children and her husband didn't know either. It came out of her own household allowance. When her nephew graduated and treated the family to a meal, that was when it was revealed. Relatives were surprised how she could afford the $20k to support him through school. She said that it was not possible for her to give such a big amount at a go, but it was an accumulation of the allowances over the years. How she could do it was to scrimp and save on herself. If her family, children, husband, mother, needed anything, she would give it. Her brother fell ill and could not work and it was too sad to see his children not be able to afford school. She would give them what they wanted to eat and eat what was left. Her mother-in-law praised her for being a good person. Ah Moi feels that that is how a life should be lived. She feels now looking back at the things she had done, it gives her peace in her heart.